i drink smartwater

erinpeep:

An acquantaince of mine, Nick Candido, wrote this blog post recently and I truly loved it, so much so that I had to share. Please enjoy. 

Most of my posts on here are pretty technical in nature and challenge the reader to think about certain hot topics in a new light. However, I am going to stray from my usual method and make this post a bit more personal and poignant.

I recently returned to America after studying at the London School of Economics for the past six weeks and I learned a lot–not just academically but also about myself and others and I wanted to share my experiences with you and hope that maybe you can apply some of what I learned to your life as well.

There are periods in our life where we feel like everything is working well for us–indeed our life at times feels like a well-oiled machine which allows to easily go through the motions of life and not worry about anything. Perhaps we have a job we love, or are in a picture-perfect relationship, or we are working very hard to achieve some goal and are making great progress. During those times, one feels invincible–perhaps even arrogant. This is understandably so. When things go well for us, we feel like we can just go through the motions and switch on the auto-pilot button with no further thought. Many people do this for years, perhaps even a lifetime. There is no doubt that this is an enjoyable feeling.

In life, we try to get the most pleasure out of doing the least amount of effort as possible (indeed, there is even a whole branch of economics that studies how humans maximize happiness given financial and time constraints). But the irony in this is that if one did achieve all of their goals with no effort, that person hasn’t really experienced a deeper happiness. We envy those people where everything seems to come naturally–we wish we could do the same. But if you take a step back and think about it, those people are missing out on some of the most beautiful parts of life: disappointment, struggle, hardship, and pain.

Yes you read that correctly.

It is during those negative times that we are able to evaluate and ponder the true meaning of our actions and desires. It is during those times that we ask the questions “Who am I?” and “Who do I want to be?” If one never struggles in life, then one will never actualize the deeper satisfaction of what it means to face obstacles and overcome them. It is during this time when you break out of the matrix of false self-affirmation that you start to strive for what really matters. And when one finally realizes they were living in this matrix, one can break free and discover true meaning. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not saying that struggling and hardship are important because it makes your achievements that much sweeter when you get them–perhaps that’s true too, but what I am saying is that by struggling and going through hardship you discover what truly matters in your life and maybe more importantly–whatdoesn’t matter. You may be shocked at what you discover. And by doing so, you can begin to discard those goals in your life that were more of a prison than a liberation.

I decided to go to the LSE because I wanted to discover what truly has meaning to me in life. Being there for only six weeks made it difficult to form close relationships with people and so I was able to spend a lot of time by myself and ponder these questions of who I am, who I want to be, and what matters. Before I left to go to London, I started to realize that perhaps I was living in a matrix–deceiving myself that economics was not just what I wanted to do, but what I wanted to be.

I learned an insane amount of economics while I was there and it made me realize a few things. First, I discovered that the less you know, the more you think you know. This is probably one of the worst plagues of humanity. Even I, before going to the LSE thought I knew everything about economics, when in reality, I haven’t even skimmed the surface. This was as struggle for me. The classes were horribly tough. I found myself putting everything into it and still struggling. But because I struggled I was able to ask myself “Is this what I want to be?” What was on my mind most of the time while in London? It wasn’t economics. It was how I missed my friends and my family. It was how all I really want to do is teach people. It was how all I really want to do is help people. It wasn’t how all I wanted to do was derive economic formulas.

Don’t get me wrong, I still want to study economics. I find it fascinating and I love it. However I discovered that I don’t want to be defined by it. When I die, I don’t want to be remembered as the person who loved economics. I want to be remembered as the person who loved his family, was a good friend, and tried his best to help others. Now, I can do that through economics, but I can do that through other media as well.

I encourage you to take a step back from your life for a period of time–perhaps a month or so. Let go of all the things you cling on to so dearly and ask yourself what truly matters. And when you discover it, put your whole heart into that.

I met a guy last year who told me what he wanted to do in life was to make a lot of money and have a really hot wife. And he probably will. He is smart, driven, and good-looking. He will go through life facing little resistance against those goals. He will get what he wants. But he is missing out on so much more in life. If he just unplugged himself and asked himself what truly matters, I think he’d find out is is probably none of those things.

Being at the LSE helped me to affirm some of my goals and reject others and I am better for it. But in order to do so, I had to put myself out there for rejection and pain. And that’s the biggest reason why people don’t want to assess their goals–they are afraid of what they might find out.

Find your true goals. Work hard. And then whatever those goals are, take it up a notch. If you discover that true meaning in life for you is to own a business, take it up a notch. If it’s to become a ballet dancer, take it up a notch. If it’s to be a stamp collector, take it up a notch.

It doesn’t matter what your goals are. What matters is that you find your true meaning and be the best you can be. Don’t be afraid at what you discover and don’t be afraid of failure. If you find out all of your goals were really counter-productive, throw them away.

I will leave you with two of my favorite quotes on this subject:

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

–Michael Jordan

“It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.”

–Conan O’Brien

Good luck.

You can find the original post here and/or follow Nick on Twitter at @econfc.

Nick is my best friend, but over the last couple of years, we have grown apart. When I talk to him we pick back up right where we left off but I know there’s just something missing. I don’t know if it was because I lost his trust or it was just us moving on to different parts of our lives. It doesn’t really matter. I just know that I was so angry at him for not bothering to see me before he left for London. He invited my coworker to his going away party but not me, and he didn’t even text me back the day before he left but talked to my roommate on the phone. He never added me on Skype like he said he would, and I don’t think he’s got plans on visiting me any time soon (I live 7 hours away now).

Sometimes we text, and sometimes we facebook each other. I guess that’s all right. To me it feels forced. Like we’re just doing it out of politeness. It’s really hard for me because he’s been my go-to guy since junior high. I’m a social butterfly who ‘knows everyone’ but I’m just a good talker. And I don’t have too many guy friends, and I just really don’t want to lose another one. Especially Nick.

So it really hurts to see him go through life and make these discoveries without me. But I’m so glad he’s growing as a person. I am too. There’s no doubt in my mind that he and I are both very different people from who we were 8 years ago, and maybe some of that needed to happen without the other in the picture.

And I don’t know what role he’s going to play in my life from now on. Or what I’ll play in his. I really hope that we’ll still get to be there for each other, and I won’t give up on us (I realize at this point that it sounds like we’re in a relationship), but I am not so naive to think that life will stay how I want it to, or that that’s even the best for either of us.

Like I’ve mentioned before, moving here has been really difficult for me. I severely miss my home and all the comforts it brings me. I am so desperate to hang on to what I had back then that I am writing letters to people so I don’t lose touch with them. I am so glad that I get to go to the same grad school as my lovely and wonderful girlfriend, and I know that I’ll find a good job and I’ll do great in all my classes. But sometimes I just really need Nick.

I don’t really know how to end this post. It was supposed to just be about how grand it was that he had learned so much about life in his time in London, but I guess I just. I don’t know.

Anyway, I love you, I miss you, and I’m so proud of you buddy.